Always Thinking, Always Doing: Breaking the Overthinking & Over-functioning Cycle pt. 1
- Jennifer Brown
- Feb 27
- 6 min read
Dear Empowered Reader,
For years, I lived in a cycle of over-functioning without realizing it. It wasn’t something I consciously chose, but it became my default. As a young mom, I felt like I had to do it all and do it effortlessly—school, homework, sports, extracurriculars, keeping the house clean, and making sure dinner was cooked by a certain time. No one explicitly told me this was the expectation. It felt unspoken, like a quiet rule that Black women must handle everything with grace, without breaking, without asking for help.
Even when I started to recognize this pattern, stopping wasn’t easy. There were so many layers—guilt, fear of what would happen if I slowed down, and the deeply ingrained belief that my worth was tied to how much I could carry.
Over time, my body started speaking to me in ways I could no longer ignore—anxiety, brain fog, and exhaustion. The more I paid attention, the more I realized how much I had been running on autopilot, doing too much because it had become muscle memory.
Breaking free wasn’t about flipping a switch—it was about taking small but powerful steps toward ease, self-awareness, and balance. Even now, I have to remind myself that I don’t have to push through exhaustion.
And that’s why I share this—because I know I’m not alone in this, and neither are you. If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying too much, I see you. You are allowed to pause, to rest, and to exist beyond what you do for others.
For many women of color, the pressure to be strong, capable, and resilient is deeply ingrained. There are often unrealistic expectations placed on us—to show up, push through, and handle it all without breaking. But what happens when that strength turns into over-functioning? When the desire to get things "just right" transforms into relentless overthinking? As common as they are, these patterns often go unnoticed, making them even more dangerous to our well-being.
Overthinking: The Never-Ending Mental Loop
Overthinking can feel like an endless cycle—replaying conversations, second-guessing decisions, critical thoughts when you make an error, and trying to predict every possible outcome. Women of color, who often navigate multiple identities and societal pressures, experience this at an even greater level.
We navigate the complex intersection of balancing careers, caregiving, social activities, and the pressure to succeed in spaces that are not always welcoming. The constant juggling act can intensify overthinking, as every decision feels like it carries extra weight.
From ensuring professional excellence to managing family obligations and maintaining cultural identity, the mental load can become overwhelming. The fear of making mistakes or being perceived as inadequate can lead to persistent second-guessing, hyper-vigilance, and emotional exhaustion. When the world expects you to be strong and capable at all times, the internal dialogue can become relentless, making it difficult to embrace rest, self-compassion, or imperfection.
What Does Overthinking Look Like?
Perfectionism: Constantly worrying about saying or doing the "right" thing.
Self-Doubt: Questioning your intelligence, abilities, or worth.
Fear of Judgment: Feeling the need to over-explain or over-prepare.
Analysis Paralysis: Struggling to make decisions, no matter how big or small.
Overthinking can be exhausting, leaving you stuck in your head, disconnected from your body, and unable to move forward with ease.
Over-Functioning: The Weight of Doing It All
Over-functioning is when you take on more than your share—at work, in relationships, and even emotionally. It can stem from a survival mechanism passed down through the generations and learned early in life: If you work hard enough, anticipate everyone’s needs, and stay in control, then maybe—just maybe—you’ll feel safe, valued, or enough, because that is what we’re supposed to do.
Over-functioning is often not just a personal habit—it’s a generational pattern. We grow up watching our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and so many other women carry the weight of entire households, communities, and careers with what appears to be ease. Strength, in these spaces, is not just admired but expected. From an early age, many of us learn through what we see that being ‘strong’ means putting others first, handling everything without complaint, and proving our worth through how much we can carry.
While resilience is a beautiful thing, it can also become a silent burden when we equate our value with our ability to overextend ourselves. Breaking this cycle requires unlearning the belief that our worth is tied to productivity and embracing the idea that rest, ease, and boundaries are just as valuable as hard work.
Instead of rejecting this part of us, what if we appreciated it? What if we recognized that this instinct to help, anticipate, and carry is rooted in care and survival? The key is learning how it shows up in our lives—sometimes helping in ways we don’t even realize, but also in ways that may be too much. By bringing awareness to these patterns, we can begin to shift from over-functioning out of habit to showing up in ways that honor both our care for others and our care for ourselves.
What Does Over-Functioning Look Like?
Saying yes to everything, even when you're stretched thin.
Handling responsibilities that aren’t yours to fix or feeling guilty when you can’t
Feeling guilty when you rest or delegate tasks.
Equating your worth with your productivity.
Constantly being the "go-to" person for everyone in your circle.
Many of us were brought up with the idea that rest is a privilege, not a necessity. Over-functioning can become a way to unknowingly seek validation and security but at the cost of emotional burnout and physical exhaustion.
For 6 Ways You Can Break Free From This Cycle, Read Part 2 Here!
📌 If this resonates with you, therapy or other supportive spaces can be powerful tools to explore and shift these patterns. Let’s talk about it.
Resources for Women Breaking Free from Overthinking & Over-Functioning
If you’ve recognized yourself in these patterns, know that you are not alone. Here are some resources that can support your journey toward balance, self-awareness, and healing.
📚 Books to Help You Reclaim Your Time & Energy
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself – Nedra Glover Tawwab
Learn how to set healthy boundaries and recognize when you’re over-functioning.
Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto – Tricia Hersey (The Nap Ministry)
My Grandmother’s Hands – Resmaa Menakem
🎧 Podcasts for Encouragement & Healing
Therapy for Black Girls – Hosted by Dr. Joy Harden Bradford
Covers mental health topics relevant to Black women, including stress and boundaries.
Black Girl Burnout – Hosted by Kelley Bonner
The Nap Ministry Podcast – Tricia Hersey
Balanced Black Girl – Hosted by Lestraundra Alfred
🧠 Therapy & Mental Health Support
Provides financial assistance for therapy sessions for Black women and girls.
🌿 Rest & Nervous System Regulation
Encourages Black women to reject grind culture and embrace rest.
💜 Join EmpowerHer Society
If you’re looking for a space to prioritize yourself, embrace balance, and step out of survival mode, EmpowerHer Society is here for you. Join our mailing list to stay connected and receive resources, support, and event updates.
📌 Sign up here: www.empowerhersociety.co
Thank you for taking the time to read and reflect with me. If this post resonated with you, I’d love for you to stay connected! Visit my websites, Perfectly Imperfect and EmpowerHer Society, for more insights, resources, and updates on how we can navigate this journey together.
Let’s stay in touch on social media, too! Follow me on Instagram at @theempowerhersociety and @sheisjennifernicole, or connect with me on LinkedIn at Jennifer Nicole Brown.
Disclaimer: The resources mentioned in this post are shared because I believe they could be helpful and have personally found them of interest. I am affiliated with Perfectly Imperfect Counseling Services as the founder and a therapist and EmpowerHer Society as its creator and facilitator, and I share it as part of my mission to support women of color in their journey toward self-love, empowerment, and balance. For all other resources, I am not affiliated and do not receive compensation for sharing them. These resources are provided solely for informational purposes to support your personal growth and well-being. I encourage you to explore them and determine if they align with your needs.
Comments